Some Ways Moms and Dads Differ

Voice recognition

  • By six weeks of age, infants can distinguish their father’s voice from their mother’s. They can also distinguish their father’s voice from other male voices.
  • A quiet and alert infant responds to the mother’s voice, but an upset infant will calm more to the father’s voice.
  • Fathers use more complex speech with children. Mothers slow and simplify speech.

Bonding and play styles

  • Mothers tend to pick up and play with the child in predictable and consistent ways; Fathers are more unpredictable in play with their children, tending to do something different every time.
  • Mothers tend to use toys more often in play than fathers do. Fathers use their body.
  • Play is more physical with fathers, even during chores and child care activities like bathing, feeding, and diapering.
  • The more time fathers spend with their child, the less likely they are to rough play as often.

Handling

  • When mothers handle infants, infants’ hearts and respiratory rates slow, their shoulders relax, and their eyelids lower; When approached by fathers, infants heart and respiratory rates quicken, shoulders hunch up, and eyes widen.
  • Fathers hold their children faced forward, so that the child can experience and see the world; Mothers hold their children inward or over the shoulders, so that the child is protected.

Discipline

  • Mothers tend to discipline by emphasizing the relational and social costs of misbehavior (e.g. “Do you think about how bad your sister feels when you make fun of her?”)
  • Fathers emphasize the mechanical or societal consequences of misbehavior (e.g. “No one is going to want to play with you if you continue to act that way.”)

Separation

  • Infants protest separations less from either mom or dad if they have a close and involved connection with their father.
  • Fathers tend to encourage children to explore the world on their own, letting the child stick with the task at hand, even if she/he is frustrated; Mothers are more likely to nudge the child forward and help him/her begin a task before the frustration level interferes with the learning process.